I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize