put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
