I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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