u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You need a sexual gate keeper
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
