He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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