I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
