I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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