OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
