wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
