He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
