Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
