Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
