The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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