So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
