Are we in a gay sports bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
