I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
