Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
