i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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