dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
