the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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