Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
