god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boob is missing a layer of skin
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize