People with herpes should wear stickers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
