Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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