I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
