Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
