Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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