Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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