Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
