I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
