i permit you to call me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
