I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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