And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have post one night stand depression
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