a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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