you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
