He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
