in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
