I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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