shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
