And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
