im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
