We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
