i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We are two peas in an std pod
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
