Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
