Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
