how can u be prego again
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
