That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
