I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
