I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
