does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
