Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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