well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
