You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
