Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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