ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
