there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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