she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
