There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
