Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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