Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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