Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
