The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize