my sisters under your porch take her home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
