He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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