dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
