So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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