dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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