Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
