Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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