but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
