He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
