her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
