So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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