I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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