So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize