I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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