I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
