ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
