OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
