I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
