i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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