dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
