Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
