I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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