She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize