I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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