well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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