I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
